 For as long as he can remember, Alex dreamed about working in the film industry. But he kept putting it off, hoping that one day he would have the extra time and money to train as a cinematographer.
Now, just shy of his 40th birthday, he feels deep regret for not acting sooner. “I’ve loved movies since I was a little boy. Watching Jurassic Park with the smell of popcorn wafting through the theatre gave me such a thrill. I wanted so desperately to learn how to make films like Stephen Spielberg.” Discovering ADHD in adulthood Alex was recently diagnosed with ADHD and he’s still processing how his uniquely wired brain may have caused him to lose sight of his goals. Every time he would have the opportunity to take a class or meet up with people working in film, he would get overwhelmed with imposter syndrome and rather than reaching out or attending an event, he would scroll through social media, feeling increasingly inadequate. “There were days I felt so inept. Like, why couldn’t I just make the call or sign up for the class? It’s been so frustrating.” When his coworkers began commenting on how easily he would get flustered by competing priorities and a heavy workload, Alex began to wonder why. His peers seemed to be fine with managing their time and responsibilities and were also enjoying their weekends with friends while cultivating satisfying hobbies. Meanwhile, he was putting in extra hours to catch up and missing out on important rest and social connections. After a friend suggested he might have ADHD, Alex searched Google and saw himself in the many articles and blogs about adult ADHD. After speaking with his family and taking time to reflect, he decided to look into a formal diagnosis and made an appointment at the Adult ADHD Centre in Burnaby. A common thread Turns out Alex is grappling with a widely experienced aspect of ADHD: regret and dealing with the consequences of not being able to act decisively and in his own best interest. When perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and overwhelm collide, it’s a recipe for paralysis that can lead to years of inaction. This can also cause diminished self-esteem. While he works full time as a production coordinator for an animation studio, Alex is still feeling the urge to create his own stories. He recently signed up for an introductory course at a local film school that he can attend on the weekends. “The small step of signing up for that class brought such a rush of relief and exhilaration! I never thought I’d be going back to school at my age, but I’m starting to realize there is no limit on what I can learn.” Creating tiny wins Instead of stewing in the overwhelm of costs associated with buying camera equipment, Alex has found a company that rents gear at a reasonable price so he doesn’t need to make a huge investment right away. He’s also joined an active cinematography for beginners group on Facebook and he is slowly getting to know others that share his passion for film. For the time being, Alex isn’t comfortable disclosing his ADHD diagnosis publicly, but he hopes that over time he’ll be more comfortable talking about it. “It really impacted my life in a negative way for so many years. I wish I had known about my uniquely wired brain earlier, but I can’t turn back time.” Studies indicate people with ADHD are more likely to have deep feelings of regret from unrealized potential and stifled dreams. But it doesn’t need to be this way. Some careful planning, compassionate self-awareness, and a healthy dose of humour can go a long way in coping with regret and choosing new ways to cope with stress, perfectionism and the insidious shame that often arises from inaction. Strategies to take charge of your perspective when regret takes over 1: Separate your ADHD brain from your character. You are not flawed or insufficient. Go gently on yourself. 2: Create new neural pathways by overwriting negative self-talk about an undesired outcome. “Maybe I didn’t act then, but I have agency to act now. I’m a creative person!” 3: Create small achievable goals that aren’t so overwhelming. In Alex’s case, he could sign up for a MOOC (open online courses that can be taken in your spare time) intro class online and start to get to know other creative people. 4: Unfollow and mute social media accounts that keep the sting of regret fresh. Instead of comparing yourself to those further along, follow accounts that offer ways to move forward. 5: Practice radical self-compassion. For many people diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, it may be the first time they learn how to be tender and gentle with themselves. Remember: you were doing the best you could with the resources available to you at the time. If anger is something you regret, take some time to name the emotions underneath and aim to make small changes, one at a time. Sources 1: Dr Sharon Saline https://drsharonsaline.com/2022/02/09/adhd-and-self-sabotage-6-supportive-strategies-to-help-you-feel-more-confident-and-reach-more-goals/ 2: Additude Mag https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-and-shame/
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 Early in 2020 when worldwide pandemic lockdowns forced most people inside, Sheila felt strangely excited. As a highly sensitive person with ADHD, she looked forward to being safely away from the office drama. Her employer’s open office concept was painfully distracting, but working from home she was certain she would be much more productive. She relished the idea of being at home with her young son. An added benefit: no more gruelling commutes! Two years later, she’s not holding up so well. “Some days I roll out of bed and just feel hopeless,” she said. “Between global news, the lifting of mask mandates, and my tight financial situation, I don’t know which way is up.” Uncertainty Affects Wellness Sheila is far from alone. Millions of people worldwide have been navigating chronic uncertainty for the better part of two years. Our brains aren’t designed for this level of heightened anxiety and stress. Our limbic system is efficient in fight or flight response when we need to act quickly to outrun a predator or perform an urgent task, but when it feels like every day is an emergency, our entire nervous system can get overwhelmed by cortisol and adrenaline. For people with ADHD, it’s even more disorienting as they experience more intense symptoms than the general population. Learning to Cope When time permits, Sheila takes her five-year-old for long walks around Trout Lake in East Vancouver. She finds the willow trees, paddling ducks, and quiet atmosphere brings her back to the present moment. Her son can cavort with other kids at the playground and skip rocks over the smooth surface of the lake. “It’s the only time I get to just be and breathe,” she says. “Work is always busy, but trying to do it from home while my son needs my attention feels impossible some days. I’m lucky to work with a company that understands this and gives me some flexibility so I often work on my projects late into the night while he’s sleeping.” Diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD by her family doctor at 30, Sheila manages her symptoms with psychostimulant medication but has started wondering if she is depressed. She’s far from alone: 85% of adults with ADHD meet the criteria for a comorbid condition with a high prevalence of depression and anxiety. She has scheduled time with an online therapist to help her sort through the complex emotions she’s feeling and plans to discuss other treatment options with her doctor. Strategies on Dealing With Uncertainty and ADHD In the meantime, there are strategies and habits that can help Sheila, and anyone struggling with this long emergency to reduce the stress of chronic uncertainty. 1: Sheila is wise to get into nature. Studies show that even a short walk in an area with clean air and trees can reduce negative thoughts and release stress. 2: Connect with friends. Positive feedback loops help our brains build new neural pathways, which are vital for creating new memories. 3: Start a journal. While apps and notes on our smartphones can be efficient, the physical act of putting pen to paper can help calm our nervous system and slow down racing thoughts. 4: Invite more joy. Yes, the world is scary sometimes but finding moments to laugh throughout the day will help release pent up tension. 5: Reduce your news and social media consumption. ADHD brains are wired to seek out stimulation, but when it comes in the form of war and unattainable beauty standards, it can lead to tremendous suffering. For further information on how to be assessed for Adult ADHD More helpful suggestions for managing Adult ADHD Sources: 1 CADDRA - Canadian ADHD Resource Alliance: Canadian ADHD Practice Guidelines, 4.1 Edition, Toronto ON; CADDRA, 2020 2 Additudemag.com https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-anxiety-symptoms-coping/ Katzman, M. A., Bilkey, T. S., Chokka, P. R., Fallu, A., & Klassen, L. J. (2017). Adult ADHD and comorbid disorders: clinical implications of a dimensional approach. BMC Psychiatry, 17(1), 302. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-017-1463-3 3 Kathleen Fuegen and Kimberly H. Breitenbecher.Ecopsychology.Mar 2018.14-25.http://doi.org/10.1089/eco.2017.0036  |